.:writings on the wall

.:writings on the wall:.

Okay, alot of the fics here are slash. And alot of those are S/X, my favorite. Not all, but alot. But I can do that, know why? Cause it's my page. So there, nyah.

Chocolatey Goodness series by The Mad Poetess (S/X, hints of A/Wes) (PG-13 to NC-17)

Yes, indeed, I absolutely have to rec this fic. You’ve heard people talking about it. You've probably even seen it linked on page after page out there. And now I've hopped on the bandwagon. Know why? Yup, cause it's just THAT DAMN GOOD. This series is beautiful, wonderful, sexy, silly, and angsty in all the right places, and at some points just makes me get that happy little shiver and *ooh* right down my spine. Plus, *chocolate*, dammit! The Mad Poetess is a genius. Read her. Love her. Now.

"Dozy as a drunken mule," Spike replied, putting his hands behind his head and looking a bit like he was re-living the experience. "And it actually takes a hell of a lot to get a mule drunk. "

Meaning at some point he'd tried. Xander was living with *Ahem? Making wild passionate monkey love with?* a dead guy who got farm animals drunk and then probably did disgusting things to them. Lovely. Still...shagged Spike stupid. Goofy grin might last a while, images of drunken mules in his head or not. Say, until Hell froze over...

"Almost as much as it does to get Angelus shitfaced…" Spike added thoughtfully. "Thought about gettin' Soulboy snockered, just to see if he's turned lightweight now, but the opportunity ain't arisen."

Xander choke-laughed, *still* grinning. "And if the opportunity arises, I volunteer to be your designated driver, 'cause I wanna see you two drunk together. Actually, I wanna *film* you two drunk together and sell it to 'America's Funniest Blasted Vampires.' " *Angel* drunk? *I must brood now. No, I'm plastered, so instead I'll do the Macarena. But I'm still Angel. So I must brood. Macarena. Brood. Macarena. Wait, is that a Ricky Martin song?* Snerk. And even if he ended up puking in the gutter, Angel's hair would still be sober.

the Domestic Piranhas series by her and James Walkswithwind, (X/S, A/G/W) (PG-13 to NC-17)

Quite possibly the funniest series of all time, ever. Mad Poetess and James are the royalty of smut, I swear it. (Mmm. Popsicle sex… you’ll see.)

The knock at the door made the room hotter. Xander was positive. *Everything* made the room hotter. Moving made the room hotter. Mosquitoes mating in Louisiana made the room hotter. *Breathing* made the room hotter; times like this he envied the undead so much, he wanted to stake all of them in one go. Possibly even his boyfriend. Lucky for the vamps of the world, that would require moving. Which would make the room hotter.

Small Fry and it's sequel, Son Of Small Fry. (Spike/Xander/Anya, Wesley/Gunn, Willow/Tara) (PG-15)

Silly! As Mad Poetess says, "Warnings for excessive cuteness." The Gang gets magically turned into five year olds. Amazingly, they manage to keep them true to character even as kids. Aww, so adorable!

As he dropped his protection from the sunlight, Angel asked, "What's wrong?"

"They didn't tell you?" Willow began to ask, giving Cordelia and Wesley a curious look.

They were interrupted by a young voice screaming "DADDY!!!" and a small white blur flung itself at Angel. The vampire instinctively flung his hands up to ward off whatever might be attacking, then, just as instinctively, reached them out towards the scent of his childe. Who was... um...

"He's a *child* ?" Angel asked as Spike practically swarmed up his body until he was somehow being carried upright in Angel's arms, his head bobbing almost as high as his sire's. "Spike?"

"I am *not* a child." Spike whacked him on the head, and stuck his tongue out through thoroughly vampy teeth. "So there, you big poof-head."

Angel just stared at Spike for a moment, then looked at the others. "He's shrunk?"

"He's so cute!" Cordelia said, hand snaking up to pinch Spike's cheek. Spike growled at her, and she giggled. "I have got to have a picture of this."

Sands of Time by James Walkswithwind and Wolfling (X/S, X/Gi UST) (PG-13 to NC-17)

Yet another truly fine example of writing that makes me smile and ache when appropriate. Really hot, and wonderful, and shows how the lives of Xander, Giles, and Spike could have been completely changed had one thing happened differently. It's got yummy sex and laughs and ever-so-sweet unrequited love. *sigh* Read, people.

Xander looked at Buffy. "Hey." Oh yeah, that'll do it. She'll forget all about weirdness and secrets now.

"Hey," she repeated. "'Hey, there's a new demon in down wanting to suck out everyone's eyeballs out?' 'Hey, someone's got a fatal disease and only has 6 months to live?' 'Hey, Buffy, you've been walking around with a sign on your back saying, "Please Stake Me"?'

"Um, no, no, and we got it off at lunch." He grinned, grateful when she smiled back.

Talk With Your Hands (A/Wes) (NC-17)

PWP, oh-so-very nice and smutty. A conversation in a bar gets… hands on. Oh yeah.

He wasn't as flustered as he knew Angel hoped he would be. Not his fault that having regular intercourse with a vampire made him less likely to blush at the drop of an innuendo.

And They Dance (A/Wes) (PG-13)

Futurefic, just majorly sweet and that nice blend of happy/sad that's so hard to find. Character death, but not in a bad way (and yes, I do realize how strange that sounds). I must have read this thing about half-a-dozen times, and it still makes me cry. Every. Single. Time. It has been proved physically impossible for me to even look at this without tears. Go, let it tug on your heart strings.

"You're not dead?"

"No, not dead. I do appreciate your coming to visit me, though. Even if a bit late."

There was no criticism in his tone. Confused, Angel just kept looking at him. Telling himself he was facing what appeared to be completely human. A live, living, Wesley. Not dead. Who wasn't mad at him for having never tried to visit him until after he'd died. "You're welcome?"

When Last We Met (Xander/Graham) (NC-17)

This was the first Xander/Graham I had ever read, and it totally got me hooked on the pairing. It is yummy, and sexy, and could only happen on the Hellmouth. And on the Hellmouth, it could only happen to Xander.

Xander didn't suppose he cared if it was rude to grab the book Riley handed over and bolt from the frat house. Significantly less rude than answering the "why are you turning red, Xander?" question. Much better than the "Graham, come back in here for a second" which wouldn't, couldn't possibly happen next, since there was no way Xander would have answered that question, but this *was* the Hellmouth and you learned fast not to risk things like that. Tempt Fate and you end up dating insects.

Magic Can’t Lie by Gabriele Schulz (Xander/Giles) (NC-17)

PWP. Oh dear Lord, if you ever told me I’d be voluntarily reading this pairing, much less lusting after it, I would have told you that you were a crack-smoking crazed pervert from some Untold Hell Dimension™. X/Giles always seemed a bit too… incestuous for me, but thanks to the fine folks at Shoot Me, Stuff Me, Mount Me..., I’ve learned that some writers can actually pull this pairing off without it being icky; and succeed in making it uber-hot, even. Mm, yeah.

Giles glared at her.

"Get dressed. By the way, weren't you the one who caused all of this? Or is this spell not a result of your actions?"

"No! I mean, yes, but this wasn't meant to happen. He should be lusting over me. The spell makes you lust for the person you truly love."

They stared at her.

Then turned to each other.

Xander's big eyes were full of hope and fear at the same time.

Suddenly Giles pushed him away and got up from the couch and hugged Anya. "Thank you."

Then he grabbed Xander's hand and yanked him off the couch.

Everybody Wants You by PaganBaby (Spike/Practically Everyone) (NC-17)

Spike gets covered in demon blood that makes everyone lust after his hot, hot body. And who wouldn’t? Mmm. I know I do… but back on topic. One of the few fics I’ve seen where it actually seems plausible when everyone has the required big orgy. I could see this as an actual episode… if BtVS aired on Skinemax, and had less plot. Ooh, I’m all tingly now from that mental picture! Every once in a while, completely pointless dirty smut can be a Good Thing; as Martha Stewart says. Total guilty pleasure, I feel like I shouldn’t read it, but I can’t look away… like a car wreck, only with sex. PaganBaby is one of the maybe *two* authors out there that can write (gag) Spuffy that doesn’t make me want to kill something (myself or the author, I’m never quite sure) or stick plastic cutlery through my own eyes. But don’t worry, Spike has sex with Xander too, so it removes the Spuffy-taint with the good ol’ Spander we know and love. Oh, and the name of the demon is good for a chuckle.

Xander was looking down at him with a blank expression.

"Listen, Xander, it's that soddin' demon's blood thing again. She's not responsible for her actions...and I'm only hu - a vampire! She did a sexy dance! I can't help it if my - "

"Shut up, Spike." Xander said.

"Yay!" Anya shouted in victory when she had 'Mr. Happy' back in her hands.

Xander glared at her.

*'This is it.'* Spike thought. *'I'm gonna die. Just hope he makes it quick...'*

Xander looked into Spike's eyes and smiled. "Mind if I join you?"

Dimensionally Challenged by Amy (Spike/Xander/Peter Parker) (NC-17) Crossover with Spiderman comics.

Okay, yeah, I know what you’re thinking, cause I thought it too when I first saw this story. It’s one of those kinds of crossover pairings that makes jaded fans like myself raise an eyebrow and go, "Yeah, right, I’m so sure." All the comic crossovers I‘d read in the past sucked, but this fic changed my opinion. I didn’t think I would like this story, at all, even a little. But it came so highly recommended I felt the need to give it a try anyway. Despite any initial misgivings I may have had, this was an extremely enjoyable read, and was well worth my time. Hoorah for sex with vampires and superheroes! Interesting semi-related note: the entire time I was reading this fic, the entire time, I had the ‘Spiderman’ theme from the original cartoon series stuck in my head. And now it. Won’t. Go. Away. (*sings* Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can. Spins a web, any size. Catches thieves, just like flies. Look out, here comes the Spiderman!) Oh dear.

"Umm... hello," he ventured. "I don’t suppose anyone could tell me what I'm doing here."

Blank stares and a heavy silence filled the room. The lack of noise took on an ominous weight, and he found himself shifting uneasily. Six against one was not bad odds and he could hold his own in an attack. However, he had no idea of the skills of the people surrounding him, so he fell back on the old standby of needling his opponents to keep them off balance.

"So, exactly what is keeping us from communicating here? Language barrier? Sound barrier? Stupidity barrier?"

My Scorpion by Firehorse (S/X) (NC-17)

Often imitated, never duplicated. So many other writers have tried to copy or live up to this fic, and failed. It has become a standard in the S/X genre, and everyone should read it, and marvel at its greatness. To quote Firehorse’s own summary; "Xander gets scientific; Spike makes a deal." Slight angst, mentions past sexual abuse, but makes up for it with love, sex, and shiny cars… it’s all good.

So Spike compromised. He still hunted, just not randomly. They lived in a big city, with plenty of bad guys to eat. Spike hunted in the ugly end of town, snacking on pimps and thugs. And although he still killed drug dealers once in awhile, he didn't actually eat them anymore, not since the last one. That one had obviously been sampling his wares. Spike had said he thought the blood had tasted off, but by then it was too late. Suffice it to say that vampires and crack were a bad combination.

Intervention (S/X) (G)

Whahuh?! What is this? A G-rated fic on my recs page! Who’dve thunk it? Actually, the innuendo in this is so heavy, I wouldn’t call it G; I’m thinking more PG-15, but then again it’s not my place to say. Okay, so the Scoobies think Xander has a problem and choose to confront him about it, and in the usual fashion it turns out much differently than they expected. I’ve said this before but I really mean it now- this one’s definitely one of my favorites.

"So let me get this straight. What it boils down to is, I've changed some of my habits, you've noticed, and you're blaming chocolate? That about right?"

"It's more than a few habits, Xander," Giles said sternly. "You've changed your whole lifestyle. You've even moved back into a basement apartment, even though you have a good job and are making good money. All the signs are there. Are you saying you're not addicted?"

"Yes. That's what I'm saying."

"Xander, stop denying it. Denial is bad. You need to hit bottom so we can reach out and help you," Anya said with exasperation.

Burn the Candle Down by Kay (A/Wes) (R)

Short, sad, a little depressing at first; but it all works out in the end. Wesley throws himself a birthday party all alone, but he gets some surprise company. I like fics to have a (somewhat, relatively-- and isn’t it all relative anyway?) happy ending, and thankfully this fits the bill. Yay.

Wesley locked the door to his apartment with a certain sense of relief. He just wanted to leave the entire day he’d just had behind him, leave it out in the hall where it could be stolen or vandalized or whatever, so long as it was away from him.

the entire A Matter of Control series. (Angel/Spike/Doyle/Xander) (NC-17)

Oh, ah. Nummy. Funny. Gooood. LOVELY Buffy bashing, which does my heart good to see. Xander, infected by an incurable rampaging lust-demon, decides to kill himself rather than take the chance of raping someone in his state. Fortunately, he gets rescued just in time, and ‘our boys’ help him out. Oh, do they ever help him. Yum. Very well written!! I like that in a story.

"Do you want me?" Spike asked, voice intense.

Xander was shaking with the effort to remain still, to not touch, to not take.

"Of course I do. What the hell kind of question is that? I want everybody. I want everything. Sheep look fucking good to me right now!"

The vampire shook his head impatiently. "Did you want me before?"

The brown-eyed man glared at him. Spike just couldn't let him die with any shred of his dignity intact, could he? "Yes, all right? Yes."

"Good." A real smile crossed Spike's face. "Because I wanted you, too."

Comfortable by Shrift (Wes/Gunn) (NC-17)

"How unobservant can two people be?", to quote the summary. Follows the journey of Gunn and Wesley from best friends to lovers in all but deed; and all the while they are unaware, until dear, blunt Cordelia points out the obvious to them. I like this author. I’ve read several of her stories, and she’s got a very good handle on Wes and Gunn; and makes them jump through her hoops accordingly. Good for her!

Gunn rocked back to sit on his heels. "You realize I'm gonna need the whole story on this, right?"

Wesley blinked innocently. "What story?"

Gunn raised his fist. "Don't make me break out the noogie."

"That's not fair!" Wesley scrambled backwards at Gunn's advance.

"Pfft," Cordelia said, moving her legs out of the way so Gunn could pull Wesley into a headlock. "Like life is fair."

He attempted escape, but Gunn tripped him. Wesley made a strangled sound as Gunn hauled him back and locked Wesley between his thighs to free up an arm.

"Truth or noogie, Wes."

"A lifetime of blackmail material versus momentary pain?" Wesley said. "You can't be serious."

We Came, We Sang (Wes/Gunn) (NC-17)

Semi-PWP. "Alcohol. Karaoke. Demons. Sex." Playing footsie and Queen songs.

Hey, everybody needed a hobby. Gunn's was mocking Wesley so he could keep his hands off the man. Wesley's hobby was walking around everywhere silently asking everyone to fuck him stupid.

Chocolate Hurricane by Cicirossi (S/X) (NC-17)

Xander gets some whammied chocolate that makes… things… happen with Spike. I must confess, this is one of my favorite fics, probably in my top ten all time best reads. Cicirossi’s fiction will always hold a special place in my heart, as not only was hers the first Buffyfic I ever read, but also the first slash and S/X as well. It is due in most part to this woman’s writing that I can accredit my obsession with these boys; my absolute, number-one favorite pairing. I love them, they will always hold top place in my heart. I love her for writing them so truthfully! Read more of her stuff, you cretins!

He stood there, body stock-still while his brain did little ice skating school figures. Spike. Sex. Well, hand-body-penis contact anyway. Oh. God. Distantly, Xander could hear the buzzing in his ears, and he knew he was shaking, but he was too far away to do anything about it. What finally jolted him back to awareness was the feeling of his teeth clacking against frozen chocolate. He stood by the freezer, gnawing on a fresh out of the icebox Chocolate Hurricane. Oh yes, that was much better.

Night Watch by the Webrain (S/X) (NC-17)

PWP. Hot smut. Hawwwwt. Smoldering. Burning me up. Incendiary, even! So yummy; masturbation/voyeur/first time fic. GUH! Kill-ing me. I lack the self-control to read this in a public terminal, if you know what I mean. Heh.

And he's wracking his brain for something, anything to say that is simultaneously polite, horrified, grateful, and regret-this-can't-happen-again-ful when Spike messes up the whole works by kissing him again.

Ritual by Velvet Crypt (S/X) (NC-17)

Oh. I like it. Short and hot and sexy. Sweet and hopeful and sexy again and good. Yes. I don’t know why this appeals to me so much but it does. And it doesn’t even matter to me that it’s a WIP because it ends on such a funny, risqué, conclusive note that seems to wrap it all up; it all just comes together so nicely. But I’d really like it if there were more updates. And yes, could use a beta, but nobody’s perfect.

"I-I like you too, Spike. A lot. More than I should. I dream about you. I hurt for you. You make me want to hold you until the need to be the Big Bad goes away and all that’s left is Wil. You make me want to kick the shit out of anyone who’s ever hurt you: Angel, Dru, …Buffy. I know I should be wigged out right now. You’re a vampire. You’re a guy. And those things matter out in the real world, I suppose. When I can wonder what the hell I think I’m doing."

He cupped the wide-eyed vamp’s face and smiled. "But when I’m *with* you, none of it matters one fucking bit. I don’t see the vamp. I don’t see the man. I just see Wil. *My* Wil. And it makes me happy."

Spike blinked slowly. "Can I kiss you now?" he whispered. Xander nodded and their lips met once again.

Life Bites by Echos Revenge and Creed Cascade (Oz/Xander) (NC-17)

A ‘Xander’s a werewolf’ story that I rather like. I’ve had a craving for good X/O lately, and there is a definite dearth of such on the web. I think there is definite potential in this pairing that hasn’t been as fully explored as well as it should be. And yes, once again, this could really desperately use a good beta-ing. The anal-retentive-grammar-nazi in me just winces sometimes when I’m reading some of these stories… and when exactly did this turn into a my personal rant? Oops. Heh, sorry. Anyway.

"That was incredible," Xander said, nuzzling Oz's hair. "I'm glad we didn't do that in your house the first time, though."

"You’re the noisy one," Oz mumbled.

"Which is why I didn't want to have your brothers commenting on our first time. Although I'm deciding if we get to do that, I don't care what they say. This is good too," Xander said, wrapping his legs around Oz.

"Xan, don’t mention my brothers in bed if you ever want to get seconds again," Oz groaned.

"Shutting up. Not saying a single word. I'm not even talking right now," Xander said, grinning.

Lost Soul (S/X) (NC-17)

Look, a ‘Xander-gets-vamped’ story that DOESN’T SUCK!!! (pun so very intended) How about that? Finally, a pair of writers who don’t make Vamp!Xander into a scary evil homicidal maniac. And hey, a Spike who shows intelligence, patience, cunning, and planning towards the future. He’s kinda sweet, even, in that vaguely evil way he has. Jenkies! If I were Joss, this is the storyline I would have written. Set immediately (like, minutes) after the episode ‘School Hard’ when Angel first introduces Xander to Spike as a potential snack, and all but gives Xander to him. Only here, Spike decides to take his Sire up on the offer. Yeah, same old song and dance here about needing a beta, blah blah blah, but if I were to be a snob and ignore all the fics with spelling problems then I would have very little to read.

"Can you just kill me now? I really don't feel like walking to wherever it is you want to kill me, and I'd rather skip the beating and torture. Kinda tortured out tonight already," Xander said as he was all but drug along the street.

"Not gonna kill you, s'been years since Angelus gave me anything. Wouldn't be polite to just turn around and kill you, would it?" Spike said.

Twilight Time by Shadow (S/X) (NC-17)

As of this moment in time, this is my absolute favorite Xander/Spike story. That probably has something to do with the fact that I only just finished reading it, two seconds before I wrote this. But more than that, the writing is effin’ amazing, and the swiftly moving plot doesn’t hurt a damn bit. It just keeps throwing stuff at you. Hurt/comfort, love, sex, blood, mysterious-healing V8 juice, inflatable mattresses, buried treasure, really good Chinese food… what more can a fan ask for? Not much. It even tosses in some quality Buffy bashing, which y’all just know I love.

Any subsequent thoughts or sounds emanating from Spike for the next few minutes would not have made sense if translated into English or any other human language. However, if translated into Grgesh, one of few demonic languages Spike in fact did not know, the closest possible translation would have been: "Oh, plastic the jujube curtain wax before spelunking the marmalade!"

Throwing Shapes by Anna S. (S/X) (NC-17)

Spike and Xander get amnesia and find themselves with a gun and a bag of money. They assume that they are bank robbers and lovers. I really like this story, because it shows the inherent rightness of this pairing; how good these two are for each other, when stripped of all outside influences. And just to note- this fic contains the funniest line, ever ever EVER, in the history of all slashdom: "Holy homosexuals," he said in a prayerful manner. "I think we're gay." Now try and TELL me that alone doesn’t make you want to read more. But I’ll give you a longer teaser anyway, ‘cause I’m nice like that.

Finally, he came up with a laminated ID card that he squinted at closely. "Spike," he read. "Spike Vicious."

"Okay, you win for the most disturbing name," Xander said in a heartfelt manner. "You think your parents had some issues?"

"Suspect I named myself," Spike said, repocketing the card and his other worldly goods. He shrugged. "Must be in a band."

"Like Sid Vicious...hey! I remembered something." Xander felt proud. He searched his memory for more. "Pamela Anderson. Star Wars. Snickers bars."

"At least you haven't forgotten the important things," Spike snarked, rolling his eyes.

It occurred to Xander to pat himself down, but his own pockets were empty. "I'm missing a wallet too. Maybe we were mugged."

"Right." Spike took his cigarettes back out, studied the pack curiously, then tapped one into his mouth like a pro. "Took our vid club memberships but left the amazing bag of cash. Too heavy for them to carry, I imagine."

A Week of Wrong (S/X) (NC-17)

Aww! Fluff and cuteness and smut. Zero to lovers in less than a week. The part where Spike gets high on beetle oil is not to be missed.

Xander held up his hands as if begging the film to stop rolling. "Okay, no, no, no, see--this is not the part of the buddy-cop movie where the two guys have to pretend to be gay, and if it is, you can consider me officially leaving for popcorn."

"Will you shut it?" Spike spat the words out like bits of gravel.

"No, I will not--"

Spike spun and shoved Xander up against the alley wall, clamping one hand over his mouth, and hello, why the hell wasn't Mister Chip issuing the smackdown? Another failure of American technology; the Japanese now, they'd know what to do with vampires who shoved their cigarette-smoky hands under your nose with no respect for your personal bubble.

Sacred Geometry by Sajinn (S/X/Wes) (NC-17)

Okay, yet another pairing (tripling?) I never saw coming, but here it is in all it’s glory. One of the nicest threesome fics I’ve read to date. Xander, Spike, and Wesley must undergo a transformation to save the world, which brings them…closer (hooray for innuendo)… together. Uber-sexy, yummily descriptive, in that I-wish-I-were-watching-this way. The parts with telepathy are really cool, and I like the little glimpses of domesticity that we see, as the three of them navigate the hellish horror that is attempting to buy lube at Wal-Mart and trying to remember to get the milk. BtVS Season 6-ish, it manages to deal with all of the issues each of the three has, including the Xander-Anya deal, Spike’s shiny new soul, and Wesley’s exile from the Fang Gang. Focuses on the sense of isolation that each is feeling and uses it to strengthen the bond between them. Can’t wait for the sequel!!

Finally, after another half an hour of Spike prowling through health and beauty aids, looking for unscented mineral oil, they made it to the checkout. ::Why is the cashier staring at us?:: Xander asked the others. ::She looks scared.::

Wesley glanced down at their purchases, scattered on the conveyor belt. ::Xander, we’re buying thirteen cans of frozen orange juice concentrated, three boxes of miniature chocolate doughnuts, four pounds of grapes, ten pounds of sirloin, two dozen eggs, three five-pound packages of flour, two containers of vegetable shortening, a bag of potatoes, three flavors of jelly, some cheet-ohs, a peach, seventeen mushrooms, four bottles of personal lubricant, a gallon of unscented food-grade mineral oil, seven packages of disposable razors, five cans of shaving cream, a set of screwdrivers, fifty yards of nylon rope, and a bath towel.::

"We forgot the bloody spatula," Spike muttered. "Next time, eh?"

Xander just went up to pay for their stuff. "You guys having a party?" The cashier asked. "Like, a sex party? This is some seriously weird shit."

"No," Spike replied evenly. "It’s the boy’s first time and we want him to enjoy having his cherry popped."

To his credit, Xander didn’t fall down. He didn’t stumble, or squawk. He just handed over his credit card, signed the slip when it came up, and started pushing the cart out of the store. "I am never going to show my face in Wal-Mart again."

Spike grinned, as did Wesley. Yes, it had been evil, but it was Wal-Mart! That place needed shaking up every now and then.

Better Living Through Chemistry series (S/X, Wi/T, T/O, We/Gi, C/Gu, Wi/D) (NC-17)

"Xander changes without changing at all…" Whee, pop-culture references abound, and sex and demons and weirdness and makeovers and interior decorating. I like it. Spike seduces a depressed Xander, Willow falls off the magic-wagon, Buffy is a bitch, the apocalypse is averted for the 422nd time (just an estimate there, don‘t quote me on that one); all the earmarks for a highly enjoyable tale.

"Duck!" Willow shouted as she hurled a handful of herbs toward the vampire pursuing Giles. The Watcher dutifully hit the ground just as the scattering material fluttered around the vampire. A flash of light and sulfurous smoke burst around him as the demon exploded.

"Ah, thank you," Giles said sarcastically as he picked himself up. "I suppose that was one of the new breed of stake-resistant vampire, that requires the use of spells to defeat?"

Days and Nights series (S/X) (NC-17)

Yum. Yum. Yummy, yum. Hoo boy, is this hot. Spike gives Xander a ‘surprise’ (guess what kind) for his birthday, then Xander returns the favor in the sequel. Light BDSM, blood play, sex with a vampire… wait, you’ve probably already guessed about the last part.

"Er, why are you here, Spike?" Xander asked. This was not what he meant when he’d wished for a bit more company on this particular day.

Spike just walked Xander back towards the wall separating his bedroom and living room. Xander was a bit too dazed and weary to notice what was going on until Spike had him flush against the wall. The vampire pressed their bodies together and reached up slightly, ghosting a soft kiss across Xander’s mouth.

"Ahh…" Xander hissed, jolted at the contact. His reality shifted a bit, turned this way and that, and developed a slight warp. Spike had just kissed him. The bleached menace, big bad, slayer of slayers, had just kissed him. On the mou… Well, he did it again.

Sweet Memories by Kayla (S/X) (NC-17)

Spike and Xander fight a demon who erases their memories. Stuff happens. Can you tell I have a thing for S/X amnesia fic? Sweet, romantic, poignant, good. Spike… stripping. All I’m gonna say. It’s nice. Very genuine character voices. I really like this, it’s one of my favorite stories. Definitely one of my top ten, but don’t ask me to actually number them all or anything.

"*What* are you doing?"

"Um, defending myself?"

Wil stared at Alex's chosen weapon. "With a spoon?"

Alex shrugged. "It's wood, isn't it? Wood, vampires...bad combo."

"So what, you're gonna try to kill me?"

"Well, you *are*, you know, a vampire. Vampires are bad."

Wil's bottom lip trembled slightly. "You...you don't like me?"

Alex sighed, lowering the spoon a bit. "Ah, Wil. You seem like a great guy, but...hello? Vampire? Aren't you gonna try to, I dunno, suck my blood or something?"

Wil thought about that. "Can't say as I have any great desire to, no."

Cyrano Ain’t Got Nothing on Me by RabidX (S/X/O) (PG to R) and the sequel,

Sum of Three (S/X/O) (PG to NC-17)

WHY does this triad work? I have absolutely no friggin’ clue. By all rights, this story should suck. It doesn’t. It actually doesn’t. I mean, it’s got the S/X lovin’, which we know I like (can you say ‘duh’, kids?), and the X/O smoochies, which is also good; but I can honestly say I’d never even considered S/O as a conceivable couple in my wildest imaginings. So it hit me out of nowhere when I enjoyed it, when this author was able to make me see how similar these three really are, and how much they needed one another. I think THAT deserves a cookie, right there. Or at least a high five. Plus, the cover art for the first story is hottish. Beta. Beta. Beta. Lather, rinse, repeat.

He was a colossal moron.

A moron in love with two people. Two people who probably loved each other. All the soul baring of Oz's letters, all the time spent talking to Xander about his life, and he was sure he was falling for both. Falling hard. With them having eyes only for each other.

"An' I'm not in love with either of them, dammit! Just a really deep like." He paced the crypt. "Shagging kinda deep like. Not thinking about snugglies or anything like that. Yeah."

Reprieve and it’s sequel Just Dinner and a Movie (Wes/Xander) (NC-17)

"Xander gets sent on an errand to LA and spends a revelation filled night with Wesley." Because X/Wes is rare, but good, and because the cover picture is yummy. Only thing? Four-letter word, starts with a ‘b’, rhymes with theta. But it’s ignorable for the sake of the story. And the line about the kiss? Makes me want a bowl of cherry ice cream really really badly. Mmm, now. Sweeeeet. Amusing. Very much true to the boys.

Xander moaned softly and took Wesley's mouth. An invitation given and accepted. He was rather astonished. Wesley had the sweetest and softest mouth. Beer and dinner aside, Wesley tasted sweet and crisp. Like frozen cherries. Xander stroked his tongue into the ex-watcher's mouth. He had to get more of that taste.

A Drop in the Ocean and the sequel Snake Charming by Echo

(mainly Willow/Severus; also containing numerous others-- Harry/Dawn, Ron/Hermoine, Draco/Ginny,

Faith/Oliver, Tara/Sirius, Anya/Remus; and probably some I've forgotten to mention.)

(PG-13; or NC-17 if you read the Lemon Drops) Crossover with Harry Potter books.

Okay, brace yourself, gentle reader. I’m recommending a story- no, two; plus additional sex scenes- that Has. NO. Slash. Any, at all, as far as the eye can see. Complete het. Whoa... Bit blown away myself, actually. Mild case of the wiggins here. That being said, this story is so cool! I really really want to read the end, so I hope it comes soon. It draws parallels I never saw between Harry and Buffy and their respective destinies; it makes me believe in pairings I never thought I could; it integrates the two worlds so seamlessly that I’m not entirely convinced that Ms. Rowling and Mr. Whedon didn’t have a little sit-down and dream this here ‘thang’ up together under a pseudonym; it lets the characters change and grow in such a way that seems perfectly natural and true to themselves, and not at all OOC. This writer has me actually liking Malfoy and Snape, for cripes sake! Geez. Quick, somebody check and see if I’m possessed. As Willow says in the story, "What in the frilly heck?" Also- ‘Cranky Pants’?! I laughed ‘til I wet myself! Oh, you’ll see. God, I love this author. Echo kicks ass! Read absolutely *everything* on her "When Harry Met Buffy" page.

"Look, I have to say this..." Angel said. "It seems like she likes you, and that you care for her... a lot, but if you hurt Willow, I'll kill you."

Snape rolled his eyes.

Was this a standard with all these Californians? Hurt so and so and I'll murder you... or break your legs... or beat you with a shovel... or rip out your rib cage and wear it as a hat. He considered it for a few minutes. It actually wasn't a bad life's philosophy.

Except for the hat thing.

Because he didn't like wearing hats.

Underwater Light by Maya (Harry/Draco) (PG-13 to R) WIP

(The link here is to a fic on www.schnoogle.com rather than the author’s personal website,

http://lasairandmaya.koanju.com/, only because there is one more chapter published on Schnoogle than on

her site. You should check out her other stuff at her website as well, because it’s pretty damn good.)

This is one of the greatest Harry Potter stories I’ve ever read, EVER. It usually goes against the grain for me to recommend a WIP without a very good reason, because goodness knows I’ve found plenty of wonderful fics who’s only flaw was that they were unfinished. This is the exception to my own self-imposed rule. This has more snappy one-liners than any other single thing I’ve ever read. The dialogue is so quick and funny, and it flows in a completely natural way. This version of Draco is my favorite for all time. It has totally spoiled me for substandard Draco Malfoys forever and ever, amen. You *need* to read this. You *want* to read this. Do it now. Oh, the summary? Harry finds out that ‘what he’d sorely miss’ is someone completely different than what he expected.

"That was my *knee*," Draco informed him darkly. "I could *die*."

"How could you die because I hit you in the knee with a hamper? Is this the same special kind of logic that means you're going to die because a Hippogriff cut your arm?"

"I could have died! I could have contracted an infection, you know," Draco said. "It looked very dirty to me. And that hamper could have had a splinter, which would give me blood poisoning, which would lead to my speedy and tragic demise, which would mean thousands of admirers weeping onto the casket containing my beautiful, pallid corpse and then stoning you."

Harry gave Draco a long look. Draco folded his arms and looked defensive.

"It could happen."

"I think I'll risk it," Harry said dryly, and tugged Draco's arm to make him come along.

Something Impossible by Cassandra Claire (Harry/Draco) (PG)

This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a while. It’s incredibly cute and comically amusing without trying too hard, like some fics make the mistake of doing. Look out for scheming Dumbledore, matchmaking Gryffindors, smitten Harry, clueless Draco, and my personal favorite-- Intelligent!Crabbe-and-Goyle. "As punishment for an act of vandalism, Draco is forced to perform three tasks to win Harry's forgiveness—only they don't turn out to be exactly the kind of tasks he'd been expecting. With wet shirtless Draco, paint-covered Harry, and Proust-reading Goyle."

"You *destroyed* Harry Potter's Invisibility Cloak today," Dumbledore said. "A cruel and thoughtless act of vandalism."

"He was using it to spy on me in the bath," Draco said.

"I highly doubt that."

"Well, he might have been," Draco said. "None of the other students get to have Invisibility Cloaks. Why should Potter?"

"Because it was an heirloom passed down from his father," Dumbledore said.

"Bah," Draco said. "In case you haven't noticed, Professor, Potter and I have a rivalry going. I am his nemesis. In order to be an effective nemesis, I have to pose something of a threat. I don't see how I can pose a threat to someone I can't even see. I was just trying to level the playing field."

"You are not his nemesis," said Dumbledore, who was getting a bit red about the tips of his ears. "Voldemort is his nemesis."