.:writings on the wall

.:writings on the wall:.

These are quotes from other authors' wonderful fanfic, that made me laugh or cry or think. This would be a thank you to the authors that wrote them.

The vampire was quite impressed with Xander's brooding skills. He was very talented for someone so young and in constant possession of his soul.

Doyle sighed. It was a long sigh. A loud sigh. A plaintive cry for someone, anyone, to save him from drowning in his own personal well of self pity. It was a sigh that would have made Angel proud.

~Luck of the… by Saone

He’s the only person he can think of right now that he’d want to have sweep in the front door and drag him away to make love to him. Well maybe him and Brad Pitt, but hasn't really been keeping in touch with Brad, so, you know.

The whole thing made Gunn wonder when Wesley had stopped being an incredibly irritating white guy and ended up being someone that he *liked*.

~Contrapuntal by Sheila

"You called me a pansy-ass," Wesley said. Made it sound so...British. Proper. Some day he'd ask Wesley to wear one of those Catholic girl's skirts. Might have to lie and call it a kilt.

Snap, crackle, fuck.

~We Came, We Sang by Shrift

Crushing on a straight guy is sad. Crushing on a 200 year old Undead straight guy who goes psycho when he gets laid is just *painful*.

There are people in this world destined to be dribbled over, and then there are those of us fated to be doing the slobbering.

Déjà vu? Meet denial. I’m sure you’ll both get on famously.

~Masquerade by Augustus

I had never developed feelings for a guy before. Sure, maybe I had found a few attractive, but not in a "come a little closer" kind of way.

"You don't consider me a friend?" asked Spike, somewhat offended.

"No," replied Xander, bewildered.

"But we've got such history together."

"Yeah, but it's not friend-history; it's more like mortal-enemy-history."

"Some of my best friends are mortal enemies."

Buffy turned back to Giles. "Any big bads comin' up on the mystic calendar there, Giles?"

"Like evil has a day-planner," said Spike, sarcastically.

Grabbing Angel’s shoulder’s, Xander gasped out, "Pants off! Now! Bad, bad pants!" Angel stopped and stared down, a laugh rumbling through him. Bad pants indeed.

"I saw you lead a class of high school students, Xander. That’s like herding cats."

"Takes guts to bitch slap a Master Vampire."

It made him dizzy... higher than a lemur on crack.

~Condemned to You by RabidX & Wyrdchaos

Spike doesn’t seem like he’s having a good time. I think the suggestion that I stake him to put him out of his misery was the first clue.

~Amusement by Meg and Amy

Luckily for him, the residents of Sunnydale had long ago learned that a night at home, or at least indoors, was much better for their health than sudden and inexplicable death.

"Okay, so now you know, and now I'll just take that last shred of dignity that's writhing on the floor and leave quietly so I can perform last rites for it in peace."

He kind of missed the days when men were men, and vamps were vamps, and slayers wore short little skirts. Things had been simpler back then. Of course, before that there had been cookies and nap time. He really never should have left kindergarten.

At the moment, Gunn wonders why random strangers don’t drag Wesley down and fuck him on the street. Because in the not-really-dark of the room he's almost glowing, and he looks less and less like a skinny, irritating white guy, and more and more like something that any sensible person would molest.

~Wired by Jane St Clair

"Man, evil lawyering *really* pays," Xander muttered as they stopped in front of Lilah’s door.

"Whoring oneself out to the devil is lucrative," Wesley agreed.

~Sacred Geometry by Sajinn

…battling the demon-underworld could really cut down on your chore-time.

~The Task by Esmeralda

It was strange: at times like these, he could almost hear the shit beginning its inexorable journey toward the fan...

…Distantly, Angel was able to hear the shit complete its journey.

Suffice it to say that vampires and crack were a bad combination.

~My Scorpion by Firehorse

"Oh God, now even the voices in my own head are mocking me."

~The Inner Wolf by Xandria

"Two’s company, three is an adult film."

"We've been very stupid."

"Stupider than a box of hair."

~Comfortable by Shrift

Life hadn’t been kind lately. Life had been rather like a bitch, in fact.

~Little Deeds by Shrift

The blanket beckons. Xander can hear it saying, "Wear me! Use me! For I am warm and slightly fuzzy!"

~Kryptonite by Sheila

This, he told himself sternly, is what comes from hanging out with fucked in the head white people.

~Putting Down by Sheila

"Spike, is there ever a time you aren’t thinking about sex?"

"Yeah, I sleep sometimes. I feed too. When I feed, I don’t think about sex. Unless I’m having sex when

Forget the chocolate, Xander thought. I have a Spike.

~Chocolate Hurricane by Cicirossi

"All you have to do is work together and... Ah, yes I see it now... we're all doomed."

~Spellbound by The Goddess D

In particular, Xander was glaring at Buffy and Riley, who were defying the laws of physics, the one that said two bodies couldn’t occupy the same place at the same time. Of course, now her habit of fighting in miniskirts made so much more sense.

~Helping Hand by Firehorse

…Xander’s brain decided for him, by going on strike. ‘Here, just take all the oxygen you need,’ it said to his manly parts.

~A Part of This Complete Breakfast by James Walkswithwind and The Mad Poetess

"Kisses are a better fate than wisdom. Or so I've heard."

~The Dance by The Mad Poetess

"Well shit. What’d you have to go and be logical for?"

Most people didn’t know how to enjoy a good meal. They picked away at it like polite foreplay. Xander, on the other hand, was shagging the hell out of his soup, and it was a thing of joy to behold.

"If banking won’t wilt a woody, nothing will."

Any subsequent thoughts or sounds emanating from Spike for the next few minutes would not have

made sense if translated into English or any other human language. However, if translated into Grgesh,

one of few demonic languages Spike in fact did not know, the closest possible translation would have

been: "Oh, plastic the jujube curtain wax before spelunking the marmalade!"

~Twilight Time by Shadow

Xander could babble about anything. Someone could walk right up to him, slap him in the face with a fish, and dance away, and Xander would just start talking about how weird it was and maybe what kind of fish was that?

~Lost Socks by Cicirossi

"Well?" called Xander.

"Deep hole, lot of water at the bottom, sometimes runs dry. Shh, I’m thinking."

"I am *not* a bad vampire," Angel said as he was flipping the cover open.

"Yes, you are. Good vampires stay in Hell," Giles said primly.

"Yes, the Chosen One," Giles agreed. "Able to sense stinky vampire feet when she sticks her nose right

in their stinky shoes."

~Small Fry by The Mad Poetess and James Walkswithwind

"So, exactly what is keeping us from communicating here? Language barrier? Sound barrier? Stupidity barrier?"

Xander tried to wonder about what Spike was doing. Really, he did. But Spike was really, really good at kissing.

He didn’t think they needed rubbers; vampires probably didn’t carry anything he needed to worry

about... well,except soullessness, and that wasn’t an STD.

~Day of Days by Sajinn

And exploring his sexuality wasn't something Xander had planned to do tonight. That was something he was saving for later. Probably.

~Someday Maybe by Lori J

What could they *possibly* do with two naked men, lube, and a bookcase?

~Get Real Paid by Meagan

Fate was, to be sure, a Bitch Goddess of the first magnitude.

"What are you talking about? Why are you talking? You should have your tongue in my mouth."

~Touched by Robin the Crossover Junkie

"I see," said Cordelia, nodding knowingly.

"You do?" Angel looked worried.

"Now that you've got your soul permanently, I knew it was only a matter of time before you got some girl

to fall for your brooding, I’m-in-so-much-pain-so-give-me-love routine. Who is it, police-woman?"

"No," said Angel, offended and relieved at the same time. "And this isn’t an act."

"Oh, it’s very convincing, I’ll give you that."

"Look, when you’ve murdered your family, your friends, and thousands of others, and ruined the lives of

thousands more, you can get back to me."

"My life just keeps getting more and more complicated. Things were so much simpler when I was dead."

"You are so evil, Spike." Cordelia muttered from the doorway.

"Still here, pet? Stayed to seduce me, did you, you deep-eyed wench?"

Cordelia snorted. "No I did-"

"Well, forget it." Spike headed towards the living room. "Had your chance, you did, girlie. Xander! Your

trampy ex-girlfriend is trying to put the moves on me!"

"Be strong and don’t look her in the eyes. It’s the *eyes* that get you!"

"But do you *love* me?" Spike simpered.

"I’m offering sprinkles, Spike. Take ‘em or leave ‘em."

"Sprinkle me, baby."

~It’s An Adventure by MichelleShelly

He was, really. Fine. He just needed a beer, and a man. Possibly a man *with* a beer. That would be nice.

~Skelping by The Mad Poetess

The words ‘oh’ and ‘shit’ pretty much summed it up.

He always had a purpose, even if most of the time it involved striking fear into the hearts of others and killing their defenseless fish.

~Consequences by Lessthanlucid

"See, this is why I like you. It’s your grasp of the duh."

~Good Humor by The Mad Poetess and James Walkswithwind

"What say you and I go out for a bit? We’ll have a few drinks and raise some hell."

"Yeah, sounds good. I need to get out of here for awhile." A quick trip to the coffee table for wallet and

keys and Xander was at the door. "You didn’t literally mean ‘raising hell’, right?"

Spike chuckled, grabbed his duster and slid it on. "No."

"Oh, good. Just had to check 'cause I never know with you guys."

~Making Them Pay by Michele

"No world domination planning sessions before five hours sleep, minimum."

Dawn sighed, "You never stop surprising me." She tilted her head, "You really don’t think I’m being a wimp?"

Connor kept a firm arm around her shoulders as he led her to the door, "What, are you kidding me?

I’ve seen you face down the worst the underworld has to offer, and Spike, with nothing more than a

smile and mean left hook. Believe me honey, the word ‘wimp’ has never even entered my mind." He

ushered her out into the street, "The word ‘hot’ features regularly though."

~Freakazoid High by Karen

"Just what I wanted. A naked person! I love naked people... they are so much fun."

~Bard’s Tales by Scorpio

After all, bad taste could only have so much free reign in the world before it must be punished.

~Sacrificial Vows by Scorpio

"Terror is the gift that keeps on giving."

~One Tin Soldier by D’Nalia

Willow missed the days of the pitchfork wielding midgets. Things were simple back then.

~Boundaries of Existence by DeppsDarling

"This conversation is so not helping the situation in my pants."

~Brothermine by Echo

"Evil's bones taste just like chicken."

Xander froze for a second, then asked, "Did you just whine?"

Spike hesitated. "No," he denied. "‘M a Master Vampire. I don’t whine. I kill and maim."

~Staking A Claim by spikedluv

"I must have taken a wrong turn at the corner of 'obviously' and 'couldn't care less.'"

"For some reason, I have an almost overwhelming urge to go out and kick some ass. No particular reason, no specific purpose, just any general ass."

~Cosmic Hiccups by Scribe

Harry, despite being scared shitless, took half a second to inwardly wonder where Voldemort came up with all his cheesy "and now you will die" speeches. If he didn't know any better, he would have sworn that the Dark Lord had been watching loads of old James Bond movies. But Harry didn't care too much; it bought him a bit of time. So long as Voldemort didn't start quoting Star Wars (especially along the lines of, "Harry, I am your father") at him he would let Voldemort rant on to his heart's content.

~Interesting Times by Ari Munami

"…Killing Dark Lords makes me horny."

"Practice makes perfect. Or at least a lot less likely to die."

His inner voice seemed to spend a great deal of time laughing at him recently.

~Flawed Lines by diagonalist

"Right," Ron resumed. "Where was I?"

"Telling me how Slytherins were crazed, vicious monsters," replied Harry. "But then

you got sidetracked by the werewolf."

"Women in the Muggle world complain about homoerotica and male obsession in football," she

commented. "They should really try living in a world where the sport of choice has four balls and the players

are mounted on flying phallic symbols."

"You have to wonder why they put a school right next to a terrifying forest of doom," Malfoy said casually. "I

suppose they think a certain amount of blinding fear builds character."

Harry felt that if this was the case, his character should be truly impressive.

"Harry, you seem a sweet, well-spoken boy," Narcissa remarked. "You really shouldn't associate with

people like my son."

"I only verbally abuse because I care."

"I was a sensitive boy."

"You were a fiend sent directly from hell to torment me."

"Everybody needs a hobby," Draco sniffed.

"When I'm unhappy, I like to spread it around with a big spoon."

"That was my knee," Draco informed him darkly. "I could die."

"How could you die because I hit you in the knee with a hamper? Is this the same special kind of logic that

means you're going to die because a Hippogriff cut your arm?"

"I could have died! I could have contracted an infection, you know," Draco said. "It looked very dirty to me.

And that hamper could have had a splinter, which would give me blood poisoning, which would lead to my

speedy and tragic demise, which would mean thousands of admirers weeping onto the casket containing

my beautiful, pallid corpse and then stoning you."

Harry gave Draco a long look. Draco folded his arms and looked defensive.

"I think I'll risk it," Harry said dryly, and tugged Draco's arm to make him come along.


	.:writings on the wall:. Quotes These are quotes from other authors' wonderful fanfic, that made me laugh or cry or think. This would be a thank you to the authors that wrote them. The vampire was quite impressed with Xander's brooding skills. He was very talented for someone so young and in constant possession of his soul. ~Did I forget To Mention… by Saone Doyle sighed. It was a long sigh. A loud sigh. A plaintive cry for someone, anyone, to save him from drowning in his own personal well of self pity. It was a sigh that would have made Angel proud. ~Luck of the… by Saone He’s the only person he can think of right now that he’d want to have sweep in the front door and drag him away to make love to him. Well maybe him and Brad Pitt, but hasn't really been keeping in touch with Brad, so, you know. ~Entreat by Pablo The whole thing made Gunn wonder when Wesley had stopped being an incredibly irritating white guy and ended up being someone that he liked. ~Contrapuntal by Sheila "You called me a pansy-ass," Wesley said. Made it sound so...British. Proper. Some day he'd ask Wesley to wear one of those Catholic girl's skirts. Might have to lie and call it a kilt. *** Snap, crackle, fuck. ~We Came, We Sang by Shrift Crushing on a straight guy is sad. Crushing on a 200 year old Undead straight guy who goes psycho when he gets laid is just painful. ~Overdue by Te There are people in this world destined to be dribbled over, and then there are those of us fated to be doing the slobbering. * Déjà vu? Meet denial. I’m sure you’ll both get on famously. ~Masquerade by Augustus I had never developed feelings for a guy before. Sure, maybe I had found a few attractive, but not in a "come a little closer" kind of way. ~Lovers by Definition by Bonster "You don't consider me a friend?" asked Spike, somewhat offended. "No," replied Xander, bewildered. "But we've got such history together." "Yeah, but it's not friend-history; it's more like mortal-enemy-history." "Some of my best friends are mortal enemies." * Buffy turned back to Giles. "Any big bads comin' up on the mystic calendar there, Giles?" "Like evil has a day-planner," said Spike, sarcastically. ~Nummy Treat by Jet Grabbing Angel’s shoulder’s, Xander gasped out, "Pants off! Now! Bad, bad pants!" Angel stopped and stared down, a laugh rumbling through him. Bad pants indeed. * "I saw you lead a class of high school students, Xander. That’s like herding cats." * "Takes guts to bitch slap a Master Vampire." *** It made him dizzy... higher than a lemur on crack. ~Condemned to You by RabidX & Wyrdchaos Spike doesn’t seem like he’s having a good time. I think the suggestion that I stake him to put him out of his misery was the first clue. ~Amusement by Meg and Amy Luckily for him, the residents of Sunnydale had long ago learned that a night at home, or at least indoors, was much better for their health than sudden and inexplicable death. ~Falling by Star "Okay, so now you know, and now I'll just take that last shred of dignity that's writhing on the floor and leave quietly so I can perform last rites for it in peace." ~Three Little Words by Meagan He kind of missed the days when men were men, and vamps were vamps, and slayers wore short little skirts. Things had been simpler back then. Of course, before that there had been cookies and nap time. He really never should have left kindergarten. ~House of Many Hearts by Anna S. At the moment, Gunn wonders why random strangers don’t drag Wesley down and fuck him on the street. Because in the not-really-dark of the room he's almost glowing, and he looks less and less like a skinny, irritating white guy, and more and more like something that any sensible person would molest. ~Wired by Jane St Clair "Man, evil lawyering really pays," Xander muttered as they stopped in front of Lilah’s door. "Whoring oneself out to the devil is lucrative," Wesley agreed. ~Sacred Geometry by Sajinn …battling the demon-underworld could really cut down on your chore-time. ~The Task by Esmeralda It was strange: at times like these, he could almost hear the shit beginning its inexorable journey toward the fan... * …Distantly, Angel was able to hear the shit complete its journey. ~A Matter of Confrontation by Kay Suffice it to say that vampires and crack were a bad combination. ~My Scorpion by Firehorse "Oh God, now even the voices in my own head are mocking me." ~The Inner Wolf by Xandria "Two’s company, three is an adult film." ~Arrested Development by Andi "We've been very stupid." "Stupider than a box of hair." ~Comfortable by Shrift Life hadn’t been kind lately. Life had been rather like a bitch, in fact. ~Little Deeds by Shrift The blanket beckons. Xander can hear it saying, "Wear me! Use me! For I am warm and slightly fuzzy!" ~Kryptonite by Sheila This, he told himself sternly, is what comes from hanging out with fucked in the head white people. ~Putting Down by Sheila "Spike, is there ever a time you aren’t thinking about sex?" "Yeah, I sleep sometimes. I feed too. When I feed, I don’t think about sex. Unless I’m having sex when I’m feeding..." ~The First Time, Again by Tienco Forget the chocolate, Xander thought. I have a Spike. ~Chocolate Hurricane by Cicirossi "All you have to do is work together and... Ah, yes I see it now... we're all doomed." ~Spellbound by The Goddess D In particular, Xander was glaring at Buffy and Riley, who were defying the laws of physics, the one that said two bodies couldn’t occupy the same place at the same time. Of course, now her habit of fighting in miniskirts made so much more sense. ~Helping Hand by Firehorse …Xander’s brain decided for him, by going on strike. ‘Here, just take all the oxygen you need,’ it said to his manly parts. ~A Part of This Complete Breakfast by James Walkswithwind and The Mad Poetess "Kisses are a better fate than wisdom. Or so I've heard." ~The Dance by The Mad Poetess "Well shit. What’d you have to go and be logical for?" ~Don’t You Forget About Me by Gypsy Gray Most people didn’t know how to enjoy a good meal. They picked away at it like polite foreplay. Xander, on the other hand, was shagging the hell out of his soup, and it was a thing of joy to behold. * "If banking won’t wilt a woody, nothing will." *** Any subsequent thoughts or sounds emanating from Spike for the next few minutes would not have made sense if translated into English or any other human language. However, if translated into Grgesh, one of few demonic languages Spike in fact did not know, the closest possible translation would have been: "Oh, plastic the jujube curtain wax before spelunking the marmalade!" ~Twilight Time by Shadow Xander could babble about anything. Someone could walk right up to him, slap him in the face with a fish, and dance away, and Xander would just start talking about how weird it was and maybe what kind of fish was that? ~Lost Socks by Cicirossi "Well?" called Xander. "Deep hole, lot of water at the bottom, sometimes runs dry. Shh, I’m thinking." ~Sore: A Love Story by Xanpet "I am not a bad vampire," Angel said as he was flipping the cover open. "Yes, you are. Good vampires stay in Hell," Giles said primly. * "Yes, the Chosen One," Giles agreed. "Able to sense stinky vampire feet when she sticks her nose right in their stinky shoes." ~Small Fry by The Mad Poetess and James Walkswithwind "So, exactly what is keeping us from communicating here? Language barrier? Sound barrier? Stupidity barrier?" ~Dimensionally Challenged by Amy Xander tried to wonder about what Spike was doing. Really, he did. But Spike was really, really good at kissing. * He didn’t think they needed rubbers; vampires probably didn’t carry anything he needed to worry about... well,except soullessness, and that wasn’t an STD. ~Day of Days by Sajinn And exploring his sexuality wasn't something Xander had planned to do tonight. That was something he was saving for later. Probably. ~Someday Maybe by Lori J What could they possibly do with two naked men, lube, and a bookcase? ~Get Real Paid by Meagan Fate was, to be sure, a Bitch Goddess of the first magnitude. ~Verge by GylzGirl "What are you talking about? Why are you talking? You should have your tongue in my mouth." ~Touched by Robin the Crossover Junkie "I see," said Cordelia, nodding knowingly. "You do?" Angel looked worried. "Now that you've got your soul permanently, I knew it was only a matter of time before you got some girl to fall for your brooding, I’m-in-so-much-pain-so-give-me-love routine. Who is it, police-woman?" "No," said Angel, offended and relieved at the same time. "And this isn’t an act." "Oh, it’s very convincing, I’ll give you that." "Look, when you’ve murdered your family, your friends, and thousands of others, and ruined the lives of thousands more, you can get back to me." "Get over it." ~Apart Time by Jet "My life just keeps getting more and more complicated. Things were so much simpler when I was dead." ~Quantum Xander II: In Wake of the Curse by Jameschick "You are so evil, Spike." Cordelia muttered from the doorway. "Still here, pet? Stayed to seduce me, did you, you deep-eyed wench?" Cordelia snorted. "No I did-" "Well, forget it." Spike headed towards the living room. "Had your chance, you did, girlie. Xander! Your trampy ex-girlfriend is trying to put the moves on me!" "Be strong and don’t look her in the eyes. It’s the eyes that get you!" *** "But do you love me?" Spike simpered. "I’m offering sprinkles, Spike. Take ‘em or leave ‘em." "Sprinkle me, baby." ~It’s An Adventure by MichelleShelly He was, really. Fine. He just needed a beer, and a man. Possibly a man with a beer. That would be nice. ~Skelping by The Mad Poetess The words ‘oh’ and ‘shit’ pretty much summed it up. ~A Drop in the Ocean by Echo He always had a purpose, even if most of the time it involved striking fear into the hearts of others and killing their defenseless fish. ~Consequences by Lessthanlucid "See, this is why I like you. It’s your grasp of the duh." ~Good Humor by The Mad Poetess and James Walkswithwind "What say you and I go out for a bit? We’ll have a few drinks and raise some hell." "Yeah, sounds good. I need to get out of here for awhile." A quick trip to the coffee table for wallet and keys and Xander was at the door. "You didn’t literally mean ‘raising hell’, right?" Spike chuckled, grabbed his duster and slid it on. "No." "Oh, good. Just had to check 'cause I never know with you guys." ~Making Them Pay by Michele "No world domination planning sessions before five hours sleep, minimum." ~Tale of Two Tiggers by Lucinda Dawn sighed, "You never stop surprising me." She tilted her head, "You really don’t think I’m being a wimp?" Connor kept a firm arm around her shoulders as he led her to the door, "What, are you kidding me? I’ve seen you face down the worst the underworld has to offer, and Spike, with nothing more than a smile and mean left hook. Believe me honey, the word ‘wimp’ has never even entered my mind." He ushered her out into the street, "The word ‘hot’ features regularly though." ~Freakazoid High by Karen "Just what I wanted. A naked person! I love naked people... they are so much fun." ~Bard’s Tales by Scorpio After all, bad taste could only have so much free reign in the world before it must be punished. ~Sacrificial Vows by Scorpio "Terror is the gift that keeps on giving." ~One Tin Soldier by D’Nalia Willow missed the days of the pitchfork wielding midgets. Things were simple back then. ~Boundaries of Existence by DeppsDarling "This conversation is so not helping the situation in my pants." ~Brothermine by Echo "Evil's bones taste just like chicken." ~Remember My Heart, My Love by Shawna Xander froze for a second, then asked, "Did you just whine?" Spike hesitated. "No," he denied. "‘M a Master Vampire. I don’t whine. I kill and maim." ~Staking A Claim by spikedluv "I must have taken a wrong turn at the corner of 'obviously' and 'couldn't care less.'" ~How Harry Potter Got His Groove Back by durendal "For some reason, I have an almost overwhelming urge to go out and kick some ass. No particular reason, no specific purpose, just any general ass." ~Cosmic Hiccups by Scribe Harry, despite being scared shitless, took half a second to inwardly wonder where Voldemort came up with all his cheesy "and now you will die" speeches. If he didn't know any better, he would have sworn that the Dark Lord had been watching loads of old James Bond movies. But Harry didn't care too much; it bought him a bit of time. So long as Voldemort didn't start quoting Star Wars (especially along the lines of, "Harry, I am your father") at him he would let Voldemort rant on to his heart's content. ~Interesting Times by Ari Munami "…Killing Dark Lords makes me horny." ~A Graduation to Remember by Magdelena "Practice makes perfect. Or at least a lot less likely to die." ~Not Just Another Human by Kay His inner voice seemed to spend a great deal of time laughing at him recently. ~Flawed Lines by diagonalist "Right," Ron resumed. "Where was I?" "Telling me how Slytherins were crazed, vicious monsters," replied Harry. "But then you got sidetracked by the werewolf." * "Women in the Muggle world complain about homoerotica and male obsession in football," she commented. "They should really try living in a world where the sport of choice has four balls and the players are mounted on flying phallic symbols." * "You have to wonder why they put a school right next to a terrifying forest of doom," Malfoy said casually. "I suppose they think a certain amount of blinding fear builds character." Harry felt that if this was the case, his character should be truly impressive. * "Harry, you seem a sweet, well-spoken boy," Narcissa remarked. "You really shouldn't associate with people like my son." * "I only verbally abuse because I care." * "I was a sensitive boy." "You were a fiend sent directly from hell to torment me." "Everybody needs a hobby," Draco sniffed. * "When I'm unhappy, I like to spread it around with a big spoon." *** "That was my knee," Draco informed him darkly. "I could die." "How could you die because I hit you in the knee with a hamper? Is this the same special kind of logic that means you're going to die because a Hippogriff cut your arm?" "I could have died! I could have contracted an infection, you know," Draco said. "It looked very dirty to me. And that hamper could have had a splinter, which would give me blood poisoning, which would lead to my speedy and tragic demise, which would mean thousands of admirers weeping onto the casket containing my beautiful, pallid corpse and then stoning you." Harry gave Draco a long look. Draco folded his arms and looked defensive. "It could happen." "I think I'll risk it," Harry said dryly, and tugged Draco's arm to make him come along. * "Eat him first," Draco advised the squid loudly. "He's much crunchier." "No, eat him," Harry counseled. "He's more evil. I hear evil's full of flavour." "As a matter of fact, I'm very bland," Draco corrected hastily. "I'm evil milk pudding." ~Underwater Light by Maya To say that Harry's life was normal would be to say that Mother Theresa swore worse than a sailor… ~What He’s Always Needed by Minerva Good god, Snape had given him a back-handed compliment. He checked his surroundings once more. No, the world was still there. ~A Good Buy by Minx "I apologize in advance for the loss of your sanity." ~Connections by Caliadragon Draco was horrified. "Expelled! You can't expel me! I'm a Malfoy! We've gone to Hogwarts for generations! If I were expelled, my family would be shamed and dishonored!" "Because your father's close personal ties to Lord Voldemort don't cause shame and dishonor to your family?" Dumbledore inquired. "They are very impersonal ties," Draco pointed out haughtily. "A mere exchange of cards at Christmas." * Draco sat down heavily on the sofa between Goyle and Crabbe. "What should I do?" "Well, let's see," said Goyle. "Harry Potter wants to kiss you. He's gorgeous and rich and great at Quidditch, and you've been obsessed with him since you were eleven." "I'd say you should flee the school," said Crabbe. "Definitely," said Goyle, and picked up his book. *** "Bloody hell," he muttered. "I wish I'd known I was going to have an epiphany, I would have dressed for it." ~Something Impossible by Cassandra Claire "He has the great potential to be a manwhore." ~Snake Charming by Echo "Nothing with you is by halves, is it Harry?" "Not usually. Normally I'd make some flippant comment about how boring that would be, but I've decided I'd actually like boring. It'd be a lovely break from the tedium of screaming chaos." ~Subjected to Rumor by Sadie Dragonfire