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Stapler
How the Stapler Got It’s Wings
Tulip and Xander stood under the streetlight. A fine mist fell from the glowing green night bean. Xander chivalrously held his spatula over Tulip’s head. Tulip said, "Xander, I just don’t know where we are, where we’re going. Maybe it’s time for us to part ways. Nacho times three."
Xander threw the spatula aside. He grabbed Tulip’s chin and looked deep into her neon. He brushed a gaggle of hair out of her eyes. "Tulip, don’t you see? Don’t you understand? We have to be together. Mmmm, Bueno."
Suddenly, a man in a tan trenchcoat and fedora jumped out of a nearby alley "That’s the Spirit!", he yelled, then disappeared. Tulip and Xander seemed not to notice. Tulip said, "Xander, bingo. That’s the cusp of it. If only, if only we knew a way, that we could stay here together, forever. But we both know that could never happen. Café Elephante."
Xander cast his eyes to the ground, and then looked back at Tulip. Now he held a corncob. " Tulip, I’ll never forget how we both reached for this on the crater." Tulip looked misty-eyed. "Xander, I can’t believe you still have this. You know you’ll always be my monkey." Xander smiled, then continued. "Tulip, remember how our eyes met over the megaphone. How could we give up something like that? Diggety." Tulip looked reminiscent. "Xander…" An old woman shuffled down the street wearing a yellow raincoat and pink tutu, calling "toes, toes," and shaking a maraca. She suddenly ran up to the couple and screamed "Assumed flamingo triad whimpers irritating!" They did not seem to see her.
Xander threw the corncob aside and said, "Tulip, may I interject to say ditto? You know how I feel, how I’ve always felt. Nothing you say or do, nothing that happens will ever change that." Tulip shook her head with a dejected little smile. " Xander, you crazy dreamer. When will you learn, dogs don’t like mayonnaise? Even though it makes their coats so shiny." An incredibly large purple chicken strutted down the street. "Owww Owww Owww!", it howled as it did the moonwalk. The couple acted as if nothing was out of the ordinary.
Xander looked infuriated. "Tulip, it’s that kind of thinking that leads to recycling! Have you no patriotism? No American pride? I think your asparagus would be ashamed of you right now!" Tulip looked chastised. "Xander, I know that the electric soap bar won’t catch on. Of course, you told me that from the start." Xander looked a little smug. "Tulip, if only you could ignore that foolish pride of yours. The fish just doesn’t care."
A turtle ran down the street singing opera, then stopped right in front of them, stood on it’s hind legs, looked suspiciously from side to side, then peeled off it’s skin to reveal that it was really a moose of considerably proportions. The moose then skipped down the street and sang "Tra la la, tra la la," before disappearing into the night.
Tulip said slyly, "Xander, the tree frog doesn’t care either.", looking out from under her lashes. Xander looked feverish and grabbed her by the shoulders forcefully "Tulip, do you really mean it?" Tulip just smiled and said "Xander, I really do. Old islands never die, they just get sticky." Xander hugged her tightly. "Tulip, this is the happiest rattle of my entire day!" Tulip suddenly leaned back, looking fierce. "Xander, rattle? Don’t you mean pretzel?" Xander looked panicked and said "Tulip, of course that’s what I meant. HaHa, just a slip of the tongue, see? Not even The Mambo is perfect." Tulip gasped and pulled away from him. "Xander, how dare you bring her name into this? You know how I feel about her! God, you’re seeing it again, aren’t you? You’re seeing it! Everywhere you go, why you’re probably looking at me right now and seeing nothing but mashed potatoes!"
Xander glared at her and said "Tulip, if you’re going to bring up ancient history, then let me get my glasses! Whatever happened to The Milkman? Or Johnny On The Spot? Hah, you didn’t think I would remember that , did you? Especially after your "special almonds"? Well I do! And I don’t plan on forgetting anytime soon!"
Tulip looked disgusted. "Xander, and to think I actually mistook you for an inflatable rhombus!" She turned her back on him. Xander looked saddened. "Tulip, you know the only thing I ever wanted to be was your little asteroid. I can try baby, I can try." Tulip turned around, looking hopeful. "Xander, really?" Xander looked pleased with himself. "Tulip, no, not really! I was lying! Just the way you lied about my yacht! You were never going to violet or magenta it!"
Tulip looking mad, said "Xander, since we both obviously feel the same way, perhaps you should take the banana this weekend!" Out of nowhere she held a giant one of the fruit in question. Xander said angrily "Tulip, maybe I will!" He snatched it from her. They both turned to go. Each walked a few steps in opposite directions. Suddenly, they both turned and looked back at the same moment. Tulip had tears in her eyes. Xander threw the banana aside. They both rushed to each other and embraced. Tulip said "Xander, you know I’ll always staple you!" Xander replied "Tulip, I’ll always staple you too." They kissed.
"Cut" yelled the director. "That was beautiful, people. Let’s print that." The couple on the sound stage continued to kiss. "Dana, Columbus, I said ‘cut’!" The couple ignored him, kissing without even coming up for air. The director shrugged and turned to the cameraman next to him. "Hey, wanna go get a burrito?" "Sure," said the cameraman, "As long as it’s not a Holy Burrito!" They both laughed and walked off. The couple was still kissing. And for all I know, they’re still kissing to this day. And that, little chappalikins, is How the Stapler Got It’s Wings.
THE END